We Don't Bite the Costume

10 pages · 7 min · ages 5+

“Sail?” said Mum. “Check!” said Finn. “Boat?” “Check!” “Teeth?” asked Mum. Finn grinned all two hundred of them. “Check!” For Halloween, Finn was a pirate ship. He was going to keep every bit of it on, all night long. But when Finn got nervous, he chomped the nearest thing. And tonight, the nearest thing was a pirate ship. Off he swam. The mast hit the top of the doorway. Clunk. So Finn went out sideways. Mum had made the costume herself, out of three Saturdays and a whole pot of glue. She had measured Finn very carefully. She had not measured the door.

“Boo!” Octavia the octopus jumped out from behind a rock with all her arms in the air. Octavia was a spider. She already had the legs. CHOMP! Finn bit the mast clean off, sail and all. Octavia was so surprised that she inked. Puff. “Finn,” said Mum, “we do not bite the costume.” Finn opened his mouth, and the mast and the sail sailed away without him. “Sorry!” said Octavia. “I won't say boo again, I promise. Not till the very end of the night.” Then she whispered, “I'm saving my biggest one.”

Octavia had done Halloween twice. She knew every cave on the reef. “The toffee cave first,” said Octavia. “Then the jelly cave. And never, ever Doctor Pearl's.” “Why not?” asked Finn. Octavia lowered her voice. “Toothbrushes.” Finn's eyes went wide. “Doctor Pearl's first!” said Finn. There were seaweed cobwebs all over the reef. Some of them were on purpose. A long, slimy one flopped off a rock and landed right on Finn's nose. CHOMP! He missed the cobweb. The whole front of the boat came off in his teeth. Puff, puff. “Finn,” said Mum, in her calm voice, “we do not bite the costume.” Now Finn was half a pirate ship. The back half.

Doctor Pearl's door had a big white tooth above it. Finn always got a little nervous at the dentist's. Even on Halloween. Even at the door. “Big shark, brave shark, open wide,” whispered Finn. It didn't help one bit. Octavia knocked. The door opened. “Trick or treat!” said Octavia and Finn. “Next, please,” said Doctor Pearl. CHOMP! Puff, puff, puff! When the ink cleared, there was one plank left, tied round Finn's middle with a bit of kelp. “Finn,” said Mum, in her very, very calm voice, “we do not bite the costume.” Mum only used her very, very calm voice for very, very big messes. “Happy Halloween,” said Doctor Pearl. “Open wide.”

Finn opened wide. Out floated one little round boat window. Doctor Pearl held up her tiny mirror and studied the bitten plank. “Hmm,” said Doctor Pearl. “Somebody got nervous at the dentist's. Everybody does.” “How do you know?” asked Octavia. “I'm a dentist,” said Doctor Pearl. “I know a bite when I see one.” Then she gave them each a Halloween treat. It was famous all over the reef. A toothbrush. Octavia groaned. Finn didn't. Finn had two hundred teeth, and he loved every single one of them. He hugged his toothbrush.

On the way to the toffee cave, Finn stopped and looked down at his one plank. Mum had worked so hard on that pirate ship. One more chomp, and there would be nothing left. Not even a plank. Just a shark. And Octavia was still saving her biggest boo. Finn's tummy did a flip. Then he looked at his new toothbrush. Three times tonight, Mum had said, “Finn, we do not bite the costume.” But nobody had ever, ever said, “Finn, we do not bite the toothbrush.” “Big shark, brave shark,” whispered Finn. “Bite the brush.” And he put the toothbrush between his teeth, sideways, like a real pirate. A very clean one.

From then on, Finn kept the toothbrush in his fin. The nearest thing was always a toothbrush. At the toffee cave, the door creaked. Finn bit the brush. “Finn,” said Mum, “we do not bite the…” She looked at the toothbrush. She looked at the plank. Then she smiled. “Carry on,” she said. At the jelly cave, a jelly on a plate wobbled at him. Finn bit the brush. The brush was looking a little tired.

By the very end of the night, they were back at Finn's front door. Octavia had kept her promise. She hadn't said boo to anybody. Not even to the jelly. Her biggest boo had been getting bigger all night. “Ready?” she whispered. Finn nodded. He held up his toothbrush. Octavia raised all her arms, as high as they would go.

“BOO!” It was the biggest boo the reef had ever heard. Even Mum jumped. Chomp. Finn bit the brush. The toothbrush didn't mind. Toothbrushes are used to it. Octavia looked at the plank. It hadn't lost a splinter. She was so happy that she puffed a little ink heart.

Inside, Finn showed Mum the toothbrush. It was as flat as his plank. “Sail?” asked Mum. “Gone,” said Finn. “Boat?” said Mum. Finn patted his plank. “Mostly gone.” Mum had made that pirate ship in three Saturdays. Finn had chomped it in one boo, one cobweb and one dentist. Mum tried her very, very calm voice. Instead, she laughed. Bubbles came out of her nose. “Next year,” said Mum, “you're going as a shark.” Sharks fit through doors. “Teeth?” asked Mum. Finn grinned all two hundred of them, every single one. “Check!”