My Monster Needs a Haircut

8 pages · 6 min · ages 6+

Bonk. Gorp walked into the wardrobe. Bonk. Gorp walked into the bed. Bonk. Gorp walked into Theo. “Sorry,” said Gorp. “I can't see anything.” Gorp's purple fur had grown and grown all summer, and now his fringe hung right down over all three of his eyes, like a curtain. “You need a haircut,” said Theo. Gorp went very still. Then he went very pale purple. “A… HAIRcut?” he whispered, as if Theo had said a very bad word.

Gorp did not want a haircut. Haircuts had scissors, and scissors went snip, right next to your face. Haircuts had buzzy machines that went bzzzzzz, right next to your ears. And monsters' ears are VERY sensitive. “I'll cut it myself,” said Gorp. “Then nobody has to buzz anything.” He found Theo's round-ended craft scissors, marched into the bathroom and shut the door. Theo waited outside. Snip. Snip, snip. SNIP. “Hmm,” said Gorp's voice.

When Gorp came out, one eye had a very short fringe. One eye had a medium fringe. And one eye was still completely hidden, because he'd forgotten about it. Theo tried not to laugh. He tried really hard. He didn't manage. “It's a bit… wonky,” said Theo. Gorp put on Theo's blue swimming goggles, so that at least he could see where he was going. The goggles only fitted over two eyes. The third eye looked out between them, crossly.

“We could just wear hats,” said Gorp. He put on a cap. Then he put a sun hat on top, to hold the cap down. Then he put a woolly bobble hat on top of that, to hold the sun hat down. He looked like a purple wedding cake. Then he walked into the door. Bonk. All three hats fell off, the fur fell back over his eyes, and a sock fell off the wardrobe onto his head for no reason at all. “Gorp,” said Theo gently, “we're going to Mrs. Trim's.”

Mrs. Trim's barbershop had a big red chair that went up and down and round and round. It smelled of shampoo and peppermint. A radio was playing quietly, and Mrs. Trim had a comb sticking out of every pocket of her pink apron. “Well, well,” she said, looking at the purple haystack in her doorway. “And who's hiding in there?” Gorp hid behind Theo. Gorp was about four times bigger than Theo, so this did not work at all.

Theo had an idea. “I'll go first,” he said, and he climbed into the red chair. Mrs. Trim tied a cape round his neck. Snip, snip went the scissors, quick and light. Bzzzz went the clippers, round and round his ears. Theo giggled. “It tickles!” he said. When he climbed down, his hair was short and neat, except for one bit on top. His cowlick. It stuck straight up, like it always did. “Nothing in the world can flatten that one,” said Mrs. Trim proudly.

Gorp took a deep breath and climbed into the chair. The chair creaked. “What would you like, dear?” asked Mrs. Trim. Gorp thought about it. He thought about bonking into things. He thought about seeing Theo's face again. “Please,” he said, “could I have three windows? One for each eye. And a sticky-up bit on top. Like Theo's.” Mrs. Trim smiled. “Coming right up.” Snip. Snip. Bzzzz. It tickled! Gorp giggled so hard that the red chair spun round twice all by itself.

Gorp looked in the mirror. Three windows. Three eyes. One sticky-up bit on top, exactly like Theo's. “Handsome,” said Gorp. Just then, the doorbell jingled. In came a man with a bow tie, a big bushy moustache and a very shiny bald head. It was the photographer from school picture day! “Just a moustache trim, please,” he said. Then he saw the great big pile of soft, fluffy purple fur on the floor. And when he left the barbershop that afternoon, he had the most magnificent hair in town.